My dreams

If I be an archi in this world, I'll build the tallest skyscrapers taller than Twin tower and Burj Dubai...

[hoping]

=C

JIWA KACAU...
tu je yang mampu aku ungkapkan... 
jiwa aku betul-betul kacau saat ini...
banyak sangat masalah membelenggu aku sekarang...
banyak benda nak kena pikir... 
wahai masalah, jauhilah diriku...
sesungguhnya aku tak dapat menanggungmu lagi...
Ya Allah..
berilah daku petunjukMu...

Just Go Away

Oh babe, oh friend.. I hate you for always making a joke out of everything I say. I hate you for never realizing when to apologize, and when you are wrong. I hate you for making everything you do wrong my fault.

Is it a crime to have feelings? Huh?

You’re always seeking attention. Always. As if you didn’t have enough already.

I’ve put up with you for a half of the year. And I’ve wasted my time. Don't be 'sewel' and please leave me babe.. I don’t even know what to talk about when you are in full flow. What can I say?

When I want help, I never get it. When I show you something interesting, you don’t laugh, or sometimes, you ignore it. When I wait for you, you don’t appreciate or notice it. When I help you, you take it for granted. 

Aren’t we close friends? I used to think that you were my best friend. I considered you a best friend, even. I felt so close to you at times. Even after we broke off that mockery of a relationship, I still felt close to you.

I could just go drastic, and block you, and avoid you. I could. But I’m too nice. (Pehh, menipu nie!) I’m hampered by the fact I can’t, I won’t hurt another person’s feelings. 

And while we are talking, its always about you, and I never know what to say anymore. And this just keeps repeating, again, and again.

I’m a girl. And I don’t like being led on again, and again, and again. I get nothing from it. You’re taking advantage of the fact I’m a nice girl. Ahaxxx

Because of you, 90% of my posts here have come into existence. But I can’t. 

I’m probably going to go insane soon like this… there is so much I want to tell you. So much. About everything. How I hate you so much, yet how I can still love you at the same time. How you’ve forgotten the simplest things. How you use me. But I can’t tell you.

I’m still planning to ask you out for Prom, at the end of the year. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?

Is this what happens to nice girl?

NOTHING

kalau tanya apa ada pada hati aku sekarang. kecewa dengan diri sendiri. akhir2 ni aku rasa diri aku nothing. nothing. nothing hadapan kawan2, nothing dalam study, nothing sama ahli bayt, nothing disamping akhawat2. kadang2 aku harap orang tegur salah aku. tapi, hakikatnya aku takut nak terima teguran. diam diam aku memberontak. diam diam aku menangis tanpa aku minta. kadang kadang tanpa sebab. loserrr~aku takut kalau kalau dalam usia ni aku dah sakitkan banyak hati. aku minta maaf, mungkin aku tak perasan kerana dah lali terus menerus menyinggung perasaan orang lain. kecewa bukan? punya hati tapi tak reti gunakan. aku rasa takut bila sujud pada Tuhan hati aku tetap sama, nothing. aku takut khusyuk aku tika solat hanya kejar pujian semata. Allahu rabbi, aku perlukan hati yang baru. hati yang rasa zuk saat sujud pada Mu.

aku tak down, aku still gagah, aku masih mampu tersenyum.. nauzubillah. cuma aku kecewa kadang2, rasa diri 'nothing'. tidak berguna. tidak memberi manfaat pada yang lain, tapi masih berjalan angkuh atas muka bumi Ilahi rabbi.

Strength That Lies Within

Nak jadi kuat memang susah. tapi, kadang-kadang bila dah kuat, kemungkinan untuk jadi lemah balik tu sangat tinggi. kadang-kadang rasa hidup ni kosong tapi, tetap bersyukur sebab tahu tempat mengadu sentiasa ada. Buat seorang rakanku, tabahlah.. bila hati dah terlalu kuat, kadang-kadang tak sedar yang diri ni dah jadi macam zombi dan mumia.


Heartless.



Wahai sahabat,
bila orang buat macam ni, kita terima.
bila orang buat jahat, kita tak kesah.
bila orang selalu berlaku tak adil, pun kita masih boleh buat bodoh.
menjadi kuat bermaksud tak lemah kan?


kadang-kadang rasa macam diperbodohkan tapi, tak apa. kita tahu sebenarnya, dia yang bodoh. dia tak tahu nak appreciate orang. kalo tak pandai nak appreciate orang,itu bukan manusia barangkali. sebab manusia ada akal, manusia tahu bila nak appreciate orang.


ok. aku tahu aku tengah merepek. sometimes, ada banyak benda yang kita nak luahkan, nak orang dengar. tapi, kalo fikir balik, mungkin lebih baik diri sendiri yang pendam rasa. sesetengah masalah juga tak perlu dikongsi, simpan sendiri buat pekasam.


semenjak kebelakangan ni, aku sungguh stress tapi, tetap dengan lagak cool. tunjuk muka masam kat orang, buat apa kan? bukan boleh selesaikan masalah. nangis sorang-sorang sudah.


ok. lega gila lepas tulis kat sini.


#new facts : blogging can reduces stress.